Tuesday, December 15, 2009

a hose by any other name...

So I didn't get dressed today today I was highly productive whilst wearing yoga pants.  Suffice to say, Lululemon and a ratty WFU T-shirt doesn't make for a very fun photo.  Sooooooo... in lieu of the typical OOTD Post, I give you...

A Scintillating Discussion on the Implementation of Hose in the Modern Workplace


Panty Hose... your grandmother wears them.... Robin Williams wore them as Mrs. Doubtfire... the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders wear them in that unfortunate "suntan" shade... they're itchy and remind you of mothballs and varicose veins and bad polyester jumpers.  In a word, they suck.

However - and some of you might not want to hear this but IT IS THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH - there are situations in which hose are appropriate - NAY! - where hose are required.

In my life, those situations can usually be labeled with a big, fat, red COURT stamp.  I keep (kept) several pairs in my office for this very reason (that way, I could slip them on before a court appearance and not have to wear the evil beasts all day).  Interviews also necessitate the sporting of The Worst Fashion Accessory Ever.  Some may disagree and claim that hose are hopelessly outdated and unnecessary, but you really never know what sexist/prude artifact of a human will be sitting across that desk from you, holding the key to your future career happiness in his or her shriveled little hand.  Err on the side of caution, mmmkay?!

And if you must wear hose, you might as well invest in a few pairs that don't make you want to saw your thighs off right under the control top line.  My favorites:

Comprised of Our Friend Spanx + Good-Quality Hose.  There's really not much else to say.  These won't totally break the bank and will get you through multiple wears without snags or runs.

So these are technically tights (which, I will totally sport in the Hose-Required Situations if it is actually cold outside - unlike hose, I LOVE tights!), but they much more sheer than the usual suspects in my Tights Arsenal.  Like the Spanx, these last much longer than your typical drugstore variety and are quite comfy.

In all honesty, I have yet to experience Wolford Hosiery.  However, I have on Very Good Authority, that these suckers are the bee's knees of panty hose.

I should also mention, I never buy hosiery in any color other than black or nude (and I'm talking NUDE-nude - like, "I can barely tell you're wearing hose" nude).  Please.  For the love of all things Not Stuck in 1992.  Do not purchase hose in some sort of  "suntan" color.  Think SHEER.  Not SHERA.


  1. Perfect timing! I'm starting the law firm job rounds next week, and hose is on the top of my to do list!

  2. My mom was pretty shocked when I said I wasn't wearing panty hose on my wedding day. It's not like anyone really sees your legs under you dress so why be so uncomfortable all day.

  3. I so love this post. After I wore hose last month and wrote about it on my blog, I felt like I was the only woman in the world wearing hose after reading the comments.

    While I don't like hose, I agree. They have a time and a place. And as long as they're sheer, than all is well.

  4. Hose suck and may be the very reason I went the transactional route. No court = no hose. Okay, there may have been other reasons. (My debilitating fear of talking to judges and the tendency of my hands to full on shake when speaking formally public, perhaps?)

  5. Your hose selections almost make me want to dress up for an interview. Almost. Nicely done!

    And I didn't wear hose on my wedding day either. It was July, I rest my case.

  6. Love the DKNY ones. I think my power panty hose helped me prevail in court yesterday (that and the opposing party not showing up). My desk drawer is filled with emergency hose.

  7. Talbots makes great hose too. I also love their micro fiber tights. Its the only thing that I buy at that store. I got that tip from my mother of all people. Who was also shocked when I wore spanks and not hose on my wedding day.

  8. I love Spanx but I hate the all the way up ones you posted here. They have a pee hole. I am not making that up. They expect you to pee out of a hole in the crotch. WTF.

  9. I defintely wear sheer black hose in the winter with certain dresses and skirts (one's that are too dressy to wear with tights), but I find hose to be the most complicated to figure out during transition seasons like summer into fall. I despise nude hose, so struggle with when it's okay to still rock the bare legs and when I need to put on the stupid hose. But I agree, tights are totally the answer.

    On a side note, I skipped the hose for my law firm interview in August (went bare legs with a dress suit) and landed the job. :) But then again it was August in DC. ugh.

  10. I tried spanx because my sister-in-law said i "had to have them" under my wedding dress. I couldn't breathe, never wore them under my dress, and have never worn them since lol. How do people do it??

  11. I have multiple pairs of the Individual 10s and they are amazing. You don't even look like you are wearing hose.

  12. I love a good pair of spanx...helps keep in my post-babyness!! LOL!



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