Monday, May 17, 2010

I Hate Kristen Stewart

You know those mornings when you lay in bed, attempting to come up with creative, um, tweaks to your morning routine that will allow you even more time to lay in bed?  Let's say, for example - hypothetically, of course - that you stayed up until 2 a.m. the night before watching A Few Good Men on TMC, because you can't not watch the big Tom Cruise / Jack Nicholson Showdown at the end, and, after all, it is the flick that sparked your short-lived interest in joining JAG... an interest that might have lived longer if the Navy could come up with cuter sailor suits for its attorneys and/or didn't require legal officers to complete Basic Training.  

BASIC TRAINING?  Say what?  You've never seen a 1L high-tail it out of an OCI interview with such haste.  These arms don't do pull-ups.  


Continuing on our hypothetical journey, you determine that this weekend's exercise has indeed caught up with your hair and your follicles are entirely too greasy to take the normal "snooze button beauty routine path."  I know!  I shall wear my hair curly!, you exclaim with glee, snuggling back under the covers for 10 more minutes.  

Once showered, another stroke of genius descends... I shall simply mousse, scrunch, and air-dry - skipping even the minimal diffuser blow-drying!  The Brilliant Plan seems to take for 15 minutes and then...

... then...  Humphf. 

Let's just put it this way.  Yesterday I (um, you - hypothetical, yes) watched a Lifetime Original Movie starring The Most Infuriating Teenage Actress in the World, the one and only, Kristen Stewart.  The movie was entitled "Speak," and involved a teenage girl who refuses to tell anyone she's been raped and thus, becomes depressed and withdrawn.  So, really, the PERFECT ROLE for Ms. Stewart, seeing as her character requires (1) practical muteness, (2) scads of angsty staring, and (3) zero smiling (because God forbid Kristen Stewart EVER smiles... I'm on Oprah?  Could this BE a bigger waste of my time?  What'd you say, O?  Young girls from Haiti tell me my role as Bella in the Twilight series made them more confident in their own awkwardness?  Um, SNOOZE!  Presenting at the Oscars? Whatever, I'd rather be at home with my cats.)


Anyhoo, the English teacher in this cinematic wonder is portrayed as a slightly nutty woman with massive, straw-like hair that sticks out at all angles and is always covering her face.  Kristen calls her "Crazy Hair Woman." (Sooooooo creative, KStew).  

My hair this morning?  After executing my Brilliant Plan?  LOOKED LIKE CRAZY HAIR WOMAN'S. 

Which is why it's in a bun today.  {Did I mention I can be the worst teller of the most pointless stories of all time?  Whatevs, at least Kristen Stewart's not the narrator.  'Cause there'd be a lot more sighing.  And dramatic pauses.  And angry nose scrunching.  And general unpleasantness.}


Printed Jersey Dress - Milly 
Nude "Happy" Pumps - Ann Klein via Piperlime
Satin Headband - Ann Taylor
Gold Shamrock Earrings - gift
Black Belt - Banana Republic 


  1. Ha! I do that all the time. I mean, sit in bed and think of things I can do to spend more time in bed.

    No wait, I rant about Kstew too. And I just really, really, REALLY want to know why her handlers stopped bathing her. :(

  2. You forgot the most important part of her acting... the lip bite.

  3. I love this! Ha I watched the pregnancy pact yesterday for the 2nd time. Ugh why oh why bc I was amazed that thora birch was an adult and not the little girl running around in now and then. Cute outfit!

  4. I can't stand her either! She annoyed the piss out of me on Oprah last week.

    I often times try and shave off time in the morning, too. My best trick is to wear my workout pants to bed at night. Seriously, it saves me about .05 seconds in the morning when I'm getting ready to hit the gym. No, I'm serious...

  5. seriously, time to dig up the IM convo with my coworker earlier today.

    Megan: good movie for you to netflix: adventureland.

    Jill: oh nooo. really? i was excited to watch it because i grew up going to adventureland. but i really just cannot stand that kristen stewart girl. i mean, i love me some ryan reynolds, but i dunno, can't handle the kristen.

    note to self: should give more thought to the fact that my messenger automatically saves IM convos. must monitor myself better with the firm's ability to get their grubby fingers on my gossiping rants...

    ps: i like the bun look on you. i sport it daily out of sheer laziness.

  6. I do this every morning---hate getting up. Why is work so terrible all of the time? Who invented this 5 day work week---ugh!

  7. Well, I think you look great!

    And, I hate Kristen Stewart too. I think a smile might actually kill her, to which, getting her to smile? Now my number one goal in life.

  8. This post is too funny! Hate K Stew. I'm with you on finding ways to stay in bed as long as possible... usually my hair is what gets sacrificed, hah.

  9. You're my work idol. Only staying up til 2am makes you rock a bun? I do that daily, homegirl.

  10. I watched the end of that yesterday! I'm no fan of Kristen Stewert, either. I only watched the end because I was gearing up to watch The Fab Five: Texas Cheerleaders Scandal that was on right after it!!!

    OOoooh I love guilty pleasure Lifetime movies.

  11. Ugh-I hate Kristin Stewart too. I hate celebrities who aren't appreciative of their success, wealth, talent and fame. And she always looks awful but you look great as always! :)

  12. you have elegant lady-lawyer hair! Go with it.

  13. Here's your new mantra:

    "I have better fashion sense than KStew. I am hotter than KStew. Even when my hair is greasy and needs to be pulled back in a bun, it looks better than KStew on an equally greasy day."

  14. I sit in bed and think about what I'm going to wear that day too! Sometimes I rationalize staying in bed even longer...'oh I can wear this doesn't need ironing!' I'm so bad.

    P.S. You look amazing! Even though I don't comment all the time, I always read and I love all your outfits! You have great style!

  15. I completely agree. I do not get Kristen Stewart. Is it physicially impossible for her to smile, to shower, to emote? UGH. Also, all new vampire shows/movies are compared to Buffy and Angel. Twilight pales in comparison (get it-pales-vampires! ha ha)

    Love the outfit, btw.

  16. Haha... I am so guilty of this. It drives me crazy though that the wet-hair in a bun days are the days someone tells me I look cute, and then the 45 minute blow-dry days (ahem, today) are the days I get nothin.

  17. Kristen Stewart is so freaking annoying. Any post where you're ragging on her is not pointless.

    I can NEVER pull off the curly wet look! My hair just goes limp and is just ratty looking by the end of the day. The bun look is a good one!

  18. I hate her too! I think that you looked great despite your hair trouble. Great save with the updo and great outfit.

  19. Hello to my fashion guru. I have read your blog for some time now and need a little advice. Can you post an outfit that you would wear in Vegas. Say going to a club...etc. I need help. I have been scouring rack after rack and cannot find a thing. HUMF....(insert huge sigh) Appreciate it! :)


stall scribbles appreciated!